What is aggressive behavior?
Aggressive behavior is a relatively common phenomenon in preschool children and can be defined as behavior aimed at harming someone else in various ways, through words or actions, and it can occur systematically.
What can cause aggressive behavior?
Every child is unique and special, so any form of behavior should be individualized and investigated on a case-by-case basis. Aggressive behavior in a preschooler may be the child’s way of communicating that something is wrong and that they cannot express their thoughts and emotions in any other way. For example, a change in the child’s life (e.g., moving to a new house, a new family member, a loss, starting school) may cause considerable discomfort, leading to difficulty adjusting and the expression of aggressive behavior as a result of externalizing their thoughts and emotions. Additionally, a lack of attention and time spent with significant others in the child’s life, as well as inadequate or overly strict boundaries in their daily routine, may cause significant discomfort in the child, resulting in aggressive behavior. However, it is important that the child expresses aggressive behavior rather than showing no externalization of their thoughts and feelings. In this way, the child is telling us that something is wrong, and they don’t know how to handle it. Just as a fever externalizes an infection, aggressive behavior externalizes the intensity and discomfort the child is experiencing.
What do we know from research about aggressive behavior in preschoolers?
According to research, aggressive behavior appears to be more frequent and intense in boys than in girls. It typically emerges around the age of two years, peaks at four years, and gradually diminishes. Additionally, many studies have shown that excessive use of electronic games and screen time enhances aggressive behavior, both due to the content of the games and their impact on brain neurons. Hyperactivity also appears to be linked to aggressive behavior, as it seems that if a child is hyperactive, the tension in their body is likely to be externalized through aggressive behavior.
The importance of boundaries and rules
Boundaries and rules are essential for children, both at school and at home, as they provide a sense of safety and stability. To be effective, boundaries need to be consistent and repetitive. For example, if a parent decides that the child will not watch television for one hour after hitting their younger sibling, they need to inform the child and warn them, and then follow through with the consequence they have warned about. It is important to explain the boundaries to children, the reasons behind them, and the consequences of violating these rules. Additionally, it is quite helpful to establish rules at home and school in collaboration with the children, as this makes them feel responsible and heard. The use of positive reinforcement is important in setting boundaries, rules, and daily activities. For example, we replace the phrase “Don’t run in the house” with “I think it’s better to go outside and run where there’s more space.”
What should be avoided?
Setting boundaries, both for managing aggressive behavior and other behaviors, can be quite challenging. There are several points, some of which will be discussed below, that we can avoid or minimize in the effective establishment of boundaries. For example, it is important to avoid using food or sweets as a method of reward or punishment, as well as comparing the child’s achievements, difficulties, and problem-solving pace with others. It is also important to avoid shouting and becoming angry, as a child cannot hear, concentrate, or understand loud noises, but needs calm and steady voices. Expressions like “always” or “never” are forbidden for a child, as well as using physical violence against them. Finally, it is important to avoid replacing any broken toy with a new one after aggressive behavior, as the child needs to be without the broken toy at some point to recognize the consequence of destroying toys/clothes, etc.
What are some effective ways to manage aggressive behavior?
It is important for a violation of rules, such as aggressive behavior, to have consequences. Therefore, it is quite helpful to add consequences to unacceptable behavior, which the child knows and has already been informed about. The first notification about the consequences is a warning, while the second is the boundary that must be adhered to. It is important to try to become a mirror for the child’s emotions because if we do not express them, the child cannot recognize them on their own, even if we give them space and time to express them. We do not always need to find a solution to a problem but rather listen to our child and acknowledge their feelings. For example, we can use expressions like “I see you’re angry, do you want to talk about it? What happened?” It is also important to know that between the ages of two and four years, we should immediately remove the child from the place where they are being triggered and expressing aggressive behavior. We do not wait for them to stop on their own, as they do not yet understand this. Additionally, quite helpful are emotional regulation techniques, such as the “turtle technique,” where the child learns to cool down before returning to their game.
Another helpful way to manage behavior is to suggest alternative ways for the child to express their emotions instead of aggressive behavior, which are acceptable, such as running in the yard, shouting loudly, or throwing a small object against the wall. It is also important to try to reward the correct behavior and not give so much emphasis to negative behavior, as well as ignore behaviors that the child is engaging in to gain attention. By prioritizing where discipline is most necessary, the child can be helped to feel free to express themselves while understanding both their own limits and yours. For example, the child does not need to look into our eyes when we speak, but it is forbidden to stick out their tongue. The use of storytelling seems to be quite effective in expressing emotions, as well as “following” a favorite hero with proper behavior and letting the child “identify” with them, as children’s behavior is imitative. Finally, communication with the school is crucial to understand how they manage aggressive behavior, so that these methods can be aligned and explained at home as well.
Recognizing, validating, and mirroring the child’s emotions helps in expressing and externalizing them in a functional and healthy way.
